Today there was a flickering light at the front of the lecture room, and by half-way through the revision session my face was numb and I had the full-body tired that made it difficult to keep my pen in my hand. By the end of the first hour I had my head in my hands going 'oh, gods, light and sound (Yvette's voice had a weird reverb effect on somewhere between my ears and brain) but mostly light' and was pressing my eyes before not too long (though I'm not sure how that's supposed to help, really, it just sort of happens) and then one of the nattering undergrads behind me dropped his pen, and tapped me on the shoulder to get me to pick it up for him.

(Am I right in thinking that it's easily percieved that a person with their head in their hands and rocking can generally be guessed to be having some sensation issues and shouldn't be touched? Yeah?)

I had a day! )
It's very rare that this happens on purpose. I don't think it's ever happened on purpose, actually. It's a problems class for one of last term's modules, which very few people in the class 'got' (me being one of them, because I was in a crazy-smart phase), and even fewer got in such a way that they could explain to others.

I'll go to my next lecture, because I can do the writing notes and taking stuff in, but I can't deal with the slightly desperate expectant looks from the lecturer hoping that he's not speaking complete gobble-de-gook and wanting some confirmation from the audience that he is in fact speaking Scottish like he thinks he is. I'm going to make some tea, and try to feel less hopeless/stressed/whatever.

I'm not entirely just distressed because of the Dr.s appointment yesterday - it's more that the entire week beforehand I'd been holding myself together until then because I hoped that it would make things better - that after the appointment, I'd have another Thing to do that would hopefully make me a little bit better - even if that thing is 'stop taking the thing which has 'mania' as a side-effect'. I'm just supposed to continue as I was, though, and if the last two weeks is anything to go by, it's going to undo most of the being-functional progress that I've made since going on LOA. And that's a really, really disheartening thought.
I think Tuesdays are going to be Good, organisation-wise. Today I had a 09:15 which never happened, because the lecturer never showed up, followed by breakfast in the RKC, then a StatMech lecture which was quite awesome, then I walked with James to the costcutter to buy a red pepper and some mayonnaise, and then I went to Hes Post Office to pay the next instalment of the water bill, and then I went home and that was my morning!

Then I mixed the mayonnaise with ketchup to make pink mayonnaise and stirred in the prawns I bought the other day and ate that with crispbreads for my lunch, and then I washed up things and then chopped up things until I had chopped all the things to turn into curry. Except, before I chopped the things, I mixed up half a coconut block with boiling water, because as far as I've been told, that's required for making curry.


1 potato
quarter swede
two carrots
half a red pepper
100g coconut block + 400ml hot water
half a packet of casserole beef
a small brown onion

spices: cumin, coriander, turmeric, paprika, pinch dried chilli flakes

One thing I like about using the slow cooker is that I can be as disorganised as I like - it doesn't matter when things go in the pot. Also I can take a rest while chopping.

Following getting the food cooking, and realising that I didn't really have time for the shower I'd wanted, I sat and painted my nails. I realised when I was half-way to uni that larp is tomorrow and I don't have any remover. Fail. But the painting itself made me happy. So anyway, I went back to Uni, because I had a 17:15 lecture... except, I'd counted wrong, and got to physics at about 1600, where I proceeded to be sociable for a while, which was good.

I'm completely not talking about my mental stuff. How weird. )

And then, at the time when I had a lecture, there was a lecture! Nuclear Physics I, which, from how the 1st lecture was, seems to be really interesting. I might see if I can get a summer project in the Nuclear group - I'll want to do my BSC in Condensed Matter Theory if possible, and I want to get some breadth of projects - I've done one QM modelling in CMT so far, and the BSC project I started but dropped out of was with Irena on Quantum Transport.

I think summer projects are what I have instead of part-time job experience. XD Though, I also have my work experience pre-uni. Need to be all up-to-date and stuff, especially with being a madwoman, else I'll never get employed. And employment is required for disposable income for spending on things like gluten-free bread. (I had a couple of loaves at Steve's house, and I so so miss being able to just MAKE TOAST.)

And then there was the evening, which contained COLD WINTER AIR and a shower so that I have clean hair again, yay, and nomming the curry with some rice and being REALLY FULL from curry, which I made myself did I say, and then internets for like an hour and some until it is Now.

I think sleep should occur soon. Today has been a day full of Doing Things, and tomorrow will also be a Day, that one also being a Day containing LARP, and so more sleep than last night shall be required. Or not-sleep, I guess. Not-sleep tends to work well enough, because it's a bit like sleep.

^ Look, a post about the academia (/work in general) gender gap and an aggrivating factor thereof!
I got my second choice, and Claire thinks she did, too (can't remember her list). I've got Band Soc Ben as my partner, which is awesome - he's one of the few people who I've managed to have a proper completely work-orientated conversation with. (Most of us TPs submitted individually with the understanding that they'd probably get paired with another TP, rather than submitting as a pair).

I'm not sure how I'm going to fair - particularly as the book I've got on the subject is being recalled by the library tomorrow. I'm hoping that someone else takes theirs back first, so I'll keep checking back on the catalouge system to see if I can renew. I might buy a copy, actually - it's a really useful book. (Amazon wants 27 quid for it. Hmm.)
I may have broken down a bit while on the way to a meeting with my supervisor. Um. Note to self: stop panicking. Four days of project left (three, now). Seven days 'till term starts. Not going to worry about buying my train ticket until I'm at the station on Saturday.

Though, I do seem to have gotten into a thing of 'if I eat more, everything will be fine'. I can't help but think that this sounds similar to people who go 'when I've lost weight, I'll become pretty/popular/coupled/employed and everything will be great'. Getting over the nine stone mark mightn't make everything better, but it'll mean that I'll have more energy to draw on.

...I best send some emails, and then go and get some more books from the library.
There seems to be a thing with code libraries (I'm using LAPACK) with which you spend as long trying to find the thing that'll do things for you as it would take to just code that thing in the first place.

Perhaps it works better when you actually remember how to use matrices. I got through the explanation, but then it descended into jargon and abbreiviations. Wikipedia is good at explaining things, fortunately.
'It's summer!' does not mean 'turn the thermostat down to 0'. It means, 'do not manually switch on heating'. The thermostat is allowed to stay on 15-ish so that the freezing windy morning doesn't prevent me from getting out of bed, but that the heating isn't on when the sun is warming the house.

Also, I found another person who I could theoretically do this BSc project with. Maybe.

Housing argh. I've sent one email to an agent asking if they had any properties at all (I'm poaching the student let ones again, on the hopes that they'll be desperate enough to get /someone/ into their properties that they'll be cheap. Maybe. Or, y'know, overlook Steve's circumstances. The thing is, though - I need somewhere to live in York, he wants somewhere to live in York (i.e. where I and our friends am). I mean, yes I'd much much much rather we were living together, but I recognise that it might not be doable.

Also, wah boundary conditions. My code is giving propogating errors. complex propogating errors!


Aug. 25th, 2009 11:55 am
I'm fairly sure that electrons aren't allowed to do that.

'That' being 'pass each other in 1D'.

Maybe they're doing it in the complex plane? Everything is solved in the complex plane, right?
Argh. Yeah, I'll be needing that nap this evening. Stupid headache.

But yay for yesterday with the weapons practice and sewing and getting some of the pins out of my dress. It is a dress.

ETA: I would go home and nap now - I'm not getting anything done, really, but the rain is holding my bike hostage. If I stay another hour, it might have rained itself out a bit, maybe. Argh, why am I wearing sandals?!

More likely, it'll have been joined by thunder and rush hour. But, y'know, I'll definitely get soaked if I leave now, whereas I might not then.

Maybe painkillers will help.

Edit: Also, the 'detect' location thing? Thinks that Durham/Newcastle = Edinburgh. ^_^
It's really weird to be actually doing science - I've finished creating my code, and now I'm at the point where I don't even need to re-run the program it creates, because it generated enough data that I can just use gnuplot to continue making different graphs and comparing them.
Well, I think I can now say that I've had a good spectrum of supervisor meetings. I had to go in and say that I was stuck because I thought I'd got x and v mixed up and couldn't work out enough of the Fourth-Order Runge-Kutta to recouple the two equations. I only epiphanied in the end because my supervisor used a term which had been used in Complab when we did Second Order Runge-Kutta.

Also, I had to work out that f(x,yn) means f(x,y1,y2), where y1 and y2 are your two coupled equations before I could get anywhere.

I'm so glad for the Continuum and Mathematical Physics modules from this year. I'd be so lost without them - hbar used the same notation for those courses as is in the books my supervisor wants me to use, so, yay. Also, they mean that I know how to use a finite difference scheme and how to work in the complex plane.

Pub for supper tonight, I think, then socialising. Life is good.


Jul. 6th, 2009 06:05 pm
I kept feeling that achey tingle at the back of my neck and in my shoulders on the way home from uni (work!), and then the thunder would rumble and it would dissipate. Was so certain that I was going to get hit by lightning. Gah.

And I had to go the long way around the crossings (i.e. along to the Black Bull and cross and come back, rather than cross by Tang Hall Lane and go in a straight line) because there was a kid with a pink balloon. I thought I was okay with it when I was stood waiting for the light to change, but then he nearly dropped in the traffic. His mum caught hold of it, but I was out of there.

I took books out of the library for the first time of my degree. And for work, rather than my course. ^_^
So, I have two resit exams. According to the Exams Office website, resit week is from (Monday) the 17th of August to (Friday) the 21st of August. This means that I can work for 6 weeks post-exams and pre-moving out. Therefore, two or more weeks of work from tomorrow will cover my placement. (I'm thinking three - that way if I get ill later on/need to recover from the exams hard, I can take another week out)

It's far too tempting to think 'hey, defer working for another week so that you aren't working on the Friday before EOS, but that's naughty. Unless I start preparing my revision this week. Hmm. There is the argument that I'll get distracted once my life isn't structured... No. Gah. Steve's parents are coming up this weekend to take most of his stuff home, and I might be able to poach moving help. Also, I need to pick up my new keys on the 11th.

So, no EOS for me. I'll go to the last event. Yes.

But anyway, the Shatleg event is safe from exams. Renewal isn't (at least not from Monday ones). Also, I should email my supervisor and say when I want to work. Right.


May. 8th, 2009 09:57 pm
I've got funding for my summer project! I get to be employed investigating 'Time-dependent quantum dynamics of interacting electrons in nanostructures'! Yay!

Also, LARP on Wednesday was awesome. And my downtime mission will be awesome. And if I can get back in time after my downtime mission, the mission on Sunday will be awesome. Yay for sense-talking rats and stupid rats and not-rats and stuck-up wolfkin. And the creepy crone of plot and win. And the jackals rubbing my backstory in my face.

...Now in addition to 'I called to Rat and Wolf and Gazelle and NOTHING HAPPENED!' (woe), I can say that if I offered Jackal everything I had, I might get a handful of leaves in return. Maybe. Hee.

Oh, gods cause so much angst. Why do people bother with them? I mean, really? XD

And because I couldn't resist, a drabble of character development. Claw is fun. )
Since I started uni, my parents have been giving me an amount of money each week to live on, which gets spent mostly on food and laundry. I got some money for Xmas, too, which I've been using as 'fun' money - for non-essential things like larp kit and treats for me and mine.

Now, I had assumed that I would have the weekly money from parents while I was in York, i.e. when I was living away and thus unable to just add my food-needs to the family shopping list. It turns out that I'm only getting it during term time - which leaves me just shy of three months over the summer when I'll have no income whatsoever.

I wouldn't be irritated at this, had it been made clear before I allocated the Xmas money to other things. As it is, I need to earn a minimum of £400 (preferably double that, as I intended to work for more 'fun' money over the hols as well) so that I don't have to stay in Devon come August.

There'll be the two weeks between end-of-term (and thus end-of-accommodation) and going on holiday with my family, for which I'll need to be in Devon anyway, so I can try to work in the factory then, but ideally I'll want to come back at the end of July, and try to find some sort of holiday work then.

Grr. I want to sulk, but I'm not allowed to.
In other words, the technician came over and fixed my desktop. So I have permanent-if-limited access to the net. Yay!

On the laptop )
On music - list of new CDs )

If anyone wants any of those tracks, tell me and I'll upload them.

On work )

On 'How the hell am I meant to start my third and fourth languages if you won't let me even continue my second?!' )
I just watched an episode of Naruto yesterday, and I have to say... )

We had a songwriters meet in the Folk Festival, and I sang a couple of verses of a song I'd banged out that morning. Of course, there's probably only this one story that I have to sing about...

Lyrics to: 'The Only Story I have to Sing' (or 'The Phedre Song'  )

So, um. I forgot the tune, so I made it up as I went. Started in the wrong key, as one is wont to do under those circumstances - but there we have it. My first time singing something partially improvised to a crowd (not really audience - too informal to be called an audience), and I got a clap of sorts. Too busy trying to slap myself into realising what I'd done to pay much mind. XD

Just finished Volume 10 of Battle Royale (spoilers)... )

*cries* This morning, I got a splinter under my nail. Fainted when the First Aider poked around and got it out, but was fine by the time it was my Driving Lesson (went around Westward Ho! Appledore, Northam and Abbotsham).

However. Do you knw which nail it was? The middle finger on my write. Aye dot Ee dot, the finger that I guide the pen with when I write. Also, the finger that I two-finger-gab with when typing. And the scabbing makes it painful to touch.

So I'm jabbing with my index and ring, and writing with my middle at the side with the ring instead of with my index. And it's uncomfortable, but at least the jacuzzi scene is getting writen. *g*

Also, I made a post in [ profile] xiaolin_yuri about a new mailing list/Y! Group - Xiaolin Showdown Femmeslash and Femgen. In case anyone was interested in either or both. Its URL/name is (OMG surprise) xiaolin_yuri , if you want to search it or visit the link in the post.
I've been drilling. Drilling and screw-drivering (I would use the version of that word that actually is a word, but you'd all be gigglesnorting in my general direction. So I shan't). Mostly making plinths, whatever plinths are.

In the afternoon I had my driving lesson, so my working time was spent on the website. That was fun - I was basically making up attribute tags as I went along, seeing if any of them actually did anything. This worked surprisingly often. XD

From the poll results in [ profile] raibicycle, I'd say that we're keeping RaiOmi. 0 votes for kicking it out, 5 for keeping it and allowing RaiKim, 6 for allowing it and keeping RaiKim out. Which is about expected - we'll probably end up allowing RaiKim, but not encouraging it.

Some of the rest of the poll is a bit mucked up by tickyboxes (I should have used radio boxes or made it clearer that if the second option says 'Same as above, but...' then you can't tick both the first and second), but the one I just reported on was the important one, so it's fine.
Not only does it give you 'cardboard cuts', a nastier, thicker and deeper version of your common-or-garden paper-cut, it gives you woodburn if you work with it.

I would put up a photo of my poor abused and blistered hands, but... I can't be arsed. And the computer would probably conk out before I got half-way through the process. I hate making packing boxes.

Fortunately, the afternoon pulled me away from that job to a meeting about the company's new website - the old one was so horrendously out of date that it just had to be taken down. I'm the only one of our little team (Tech guy, design guy, graphics guy, PR guy) who regularly uses and/or is happy to use pure HTML, apparently, so we'll be using a program called 'Dreamweaver'. *nods*

Also, if people don't read what's written in this new fSlash fic of mine (*remembers 'Wake up, Jack!*) instead of what they expect to see, I am going to get so badly flamed by Clay fans.


Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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