Jul. 30th, 2011 08:44 pm
Lolsob: This chronicillnesscat macro.

But today, I did do things!

Up until about half four this afternoon, it looked like there wasn't anything happening today. I'd breakfasted, had a late lunch and read some fanfic (okay, a lot of fanfic). However, this morning I had decided that I wanted baked beans on toast for breakfast, and there were no baked beans.

And so, a quest was decided - I would cycle to Morrisons, along the osbaldwick/fifth av/st. nicolas fields cycle trail (because the detour down the hill to osbaldwick was worth it to not having to cycle along 'real' roads), and buy some damned baked beans. And all those other things which you get from Morrisons but don't need to buy very often, like Rington's tea. And cheap cleaning fluid. And gluten-free frozen pizza. And a small casserole dish, as opposed to the HUGE one that I have and takes a lot to wash. And-

I did it! I got on my bike with my larp backpack, and cycled along in the sun along the cycle path, dodging dogs and small children, until I got to Morrisons to do my shopping.

And then I got distracted by all the hair stuff and makeup in the 'reduced to clear' section. I like 'reduced' makeup - I feel less guilty buying it than full price, and I do like owning things to doll myself up with.

But I did do my shopping, and it fit into my rucksack (except for one bulky light thing, which I slung around the handlebars), and cycling back the bottom of the rusksack was resting on the pannier rack, so didn't feel very heavy (except that it was a significant enough change in mass that F=ma became more relevent than usual, and the front of my shoulders).

And now I am making a one-person amount of beef stroganoff in my new casserole dish! Okay, it'll be a 'hungry one person' amount, but it won't require two people to eat. It will contain beef and all the spices (in the oven already) and there are chopped a parsnip, two carrots, half a green pepper, and three chestnut mushrooms. Also half a brocolli, but that's not going in the main thing - I think I shall boil a few potatoes and steam the brocolli above them. In an hour or so.


Jun. 1st, 2011 01:30 am
I feel very fragile right now. Harrowing conversation with a fellow physicist in terror of the exam tomorrow, and another very emotionally in-depth conversation right after.

And I'm still dealing with the constant low-level nausea and resultant body-woe of the antibiotics.

But now I definitely have to go to the exam tomorrow, however little point there is, because I've got to walk the aforementioned physicist from Vanbrugh to the exam, if he'll leave his room. And that's without bothering the medical people to give me my bloody results beforehand.

At least there'll be larp after?

I just feel so very much like an ill-timed puff of wind could smash me into a million pieces right now.
The house is tidier, but my landlords still won't be happy. It really doesn't help that the water won't be put back on until seven o'clock, maybe, and so actually cleaning things is going to be difficult. Also, I wish I could say that the hoover sucks, but it doesn't even do that. And Hannah filled up the black bin outside with her stuff from moving out and then dumped appliances and such all over the house (we're still finding things), so I'm waiting until Monday morning when that's been taken away to put out the bag from the hoover and the takeaway bag, because else there won't be space.


And someone spilled milk on the floor beside the washing machine mere days after I'd washed it, and didn't clean up after themselves.

Worst part: I don't know whether my identifying the problems between me and a clean, tidy house is practicality or laziness. I know I've been in one of those states of mind for a good few weeks now where everything looks like evidence that I'm a terrible person, and I have backup from my neighbours that my landord sucks, and the legal guidelines are on my side, but I still angst and worry and fast because I don't feel that I'm good enough to take up space.

What I've done will have to be enough - and hope that they disregard the washing up to be done, because now I need to get myself to eat at least one meal today. So far it's been a cup of tea at Alex's (blech, Tetleys), a handful of goji berries, and a couple of gf biscuits. I feel okay blood-sugar-wise (except for the angst and shaking), and I've been productive, but I know that this way lies a non-functional brain. You know, kinda like the one I already have.

Did you know I have exams next week? I'm not sure there's any point in me sitting them, I'm so unprepared and mindless. ...I should probably tell Physics.

The Done List )

To Do:

The To Do List )

ETA: I have now eaten soup. (Woah, having food in my stomach feels *weird*)

I have also gotten drunk and ordered shopping from Tesco. They're going to give me bread and vegetables and microwave rice on Wednesday! Also some mince! I shall make bolognaise! ...if I have someone to help stir the pot. Which I should do, because there will be an Alex on Wednesday!
I walked up the the shops like an old lady, bought my eggs and milk and orange juice, then went into the pharmacy on my way to the butchers and they said that they'd pick up the perscription for me, and then the butchers had gluten-free sausages! So I got some of them as well as bacon, and also a conversation about another patron's sister and the horrible loosing-weight thing.

And now I am home and there can be food. Or at least orange juice, because food requires cooking requires staying stood up for a while at a time.
...some days are 'eat before you do things' days, and other are 'do a Thing before you eat' days, and there isn't a hard and fast rule that can be applied to both. *brain esplodes*

Work is not a Thing which has been done. Sleep is too required. And today has to include picking up a perscription, paying the power bill, and obtaining some food to eat today, and I am tired to the point of 'going far from my house would be unwise'. I will go to the corner shop for milk and eggs and orange juice, so that I can have breakfast. Picking up the perscription can be put off, because I still have some left from the old one, even if it's years old and probably not so good, that's what the orange juice is for. I will need to obtain cash from somewhere if I want to continue just using the corner shops (if I was sensible I'd have stopped by Heslington on the way back from larp), and the power company are starting to grumble about that unpaid bill (I should probably set up online banking). The cash machine and post office are near to where the perscription will be, so all these things can be done together? Too wobbly for bike.

This whole 'one day on, one day off' pattern really kinda sucks. I can rest in anticipation of wanting to use the next day, but that still doesn't make the day afterwards any easier, and I'm too damn un-sensible to take it into account when I am having a good day. FFS.
I have discovered a way of thinking that makes doing things to the house a lot more doable - seperating the concepts of 'cleaning', 'tidying' and 'clearing'.

Catagorisation! )

Today I have cleaned the kitchen floor, cleared the living room floor (I had ambitions of cleaning that too, but tea), made tea, and cluttered up the dining room with furniture from the kitchen. Also decided that if I win the lottery today, I'm going to buy that little house in Heslington that I've had my eye on a bit for months now.
I voted! I mostly did the thing of saying 'yes' to AV, and have no clue about the Hull Road candidates except that the Labour Candidate is a prat. I think. That might have been last year's. So I voted by party, which is probably not nearly as good as voting by candidate, but still makes the prat parties less likely to get in, so.

Also I spent most of the day in bed instead of doing, well, anything. This was less than optimal, but the doctor-wah is still kicking my arse - I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do about it. I spoke to my supervisor (late for the meeting I arranged earlier in the week) about the assignment, and I should be able to get a note from any doctor at the practice based on my probable iron levels. However, the test is on Monday, which is when the deadline is, so...

However, hanging out with James this evening has motivated me somewhat towards not throwing in the towel pre-emptively - which I guess is what picking sleep over life is, really. I'm going to do the 'keep being alive' thing, and the 'try to do this assignment and not fail it entirely' thing, and the 'keep going to larp because that makes me happy and happy -> more spoons*' thing.

(I still can't quite believe that the response to 'I'm so brain-tired that I need entire days of rest to be vaguely functional on the rest of the days' was 'maybe your body just needs the sleep'. ARgh!)

*It's not that I get more spoons from being happy, so much as being an angstbucket costs more. When I'm happy, I get to use more of them for useful things.

A nice day.

May. 2nd, 2011 01:53 pm
I'm looking out of the window out at the sky with very few clouds, and I notice that there is a plane leaving a trail from north to south. Along that trail is a cloud shaped like a dragon, moving in the same direction, as if it's trying to chase and eat the plane.

Yesterday was the first outdoor larp of term! Yay! And more importantly, the first larp session this year in which we had to fight through the spring undergrowth-plosion, which is such that a person lying down in the weeds is invisible unless you're right next to them... And we had a large party containing at least one ninja. Ohhhh...

Though, despite not having taken any alergy meds in half a week (I need to stock up again...), I wasn't fighting hayfever as well. Everything was very green and lovely, but I guess seeing as the grass wasn't getting cut and things have just about gotten to the end of the pollenation season (at least judging by the cherry blossom in Badger Hill, which are no longer dropping blossom everythere), nature isn't in the mood for getting in our eyes or making breathing difficult.

There are lots of birds flying around outside, it's sunny, and we've got some windows open letting the air through the house. It's nice. And I was right to designate this a pyjama day in advance, because I've just had my breakfast after finishing off reading a book in bed earlier. In still tired in my limbs and mind, but I slept solidly from when I put my head down on the pillow to when my meds alarm went off at eleven, and I think this is going to be a good day to rest. I might have another look at my assignment a bit later on, but no rush about anything.

And I've got a plan to have company tomorrow evening as well, so I look forward to that and can be quiet and by myself and make the most of that today, without feeling lonely. There was a weapons practice on Saturday, larp on Sunday, and this socialness on Tuesday (and more larp on Wednesday), and having good company easily about makes it easy to enjoy the quiet as well, rather than fretting about both. I like term-time.
Today there was a flickering light at the front of the lecture room, and by half-way through the revision session my face was numb and I had the full-body tired that made it difficult to keep my pen in my hand. By the end of the first hour I had my head in my hands going 'oh, gods, light and sound (Yvette's voice had a weird reverb effect on somewhere between my ears and brain) but mostly light' and was pressing my eyes before not too long (though I'm not sure how that's supposed to help, really, it just sort of happens) and then one of the nattering undergrads behind me dropped his pen, and tapped me on the shoulder to get me to pick it up for him.

(Am I right in thinking that it's easily percieved that a person with their head in their hands and rocking can generally be guessed to be having some sensation issues and shouldn't be touched? Yeah?)

I had a day! )
I just tried to open my bedroom door and walk through. Ow.

First the door ran over my slipper, stopping suddenly. I was still moving forward, and it stopped such that the side of the door smacked me right in the left nipple - and I was still going forwards, so also squish. In reaction to the pain I tried to stop going forwards, but only succeeded in deflecting sideways... and smacking my head on the doorframe.

Feel free to laugh.
I think Tuesdays are going to be Good, organisation-wise. Today I had a 09:15 which never happened, because the lecturer never showed up, followed by breakfast in the RKC, then a StatMech lecture which was quite awesome, then I walked with James to the costcutter to buy a red pepper and some mayonnaise, and then I went to Hes Post Office to pay the next instalment of the water bill, and then I went home and that was my morning!

Then I mixed the mayonnaise with ketchup to make pink mayonnaise and stirred in the prawns I bought the other day and ate that with crispbreads for my lunch, and then I washed up things and then chopped up things until I had chopped all the things to turn into curry. Except, before I chopped the things, I mixed up half a coconut block with boiling water, because as far as I've been told, that's required for making curry.


1 potato
quarter swede
two carrots
half a red pepper
100g coconut block + 400ml hot water
half a packet of casserole beef
a small brown onion

spices: cumin, coriander, turmeric, paprika, pinch dried chilli flakes

One thing I like about using the slow cooker is that I can be as disorganised as I like - it doesn't matter when things go in the pot. Also I can take a rest while chopping.

Following getting the food cooking, and realising that I didn't really have time for the shower I'd wanted, I sat and painted my nails. I realised when I was half-way to uni that larp is tomorrow and I don't have any remover. Fail. But the painting itself made me happy. So anyway, I went back to Uni, because I had a 17:15 lecture... except, I'd counted wrong, and got to physics at about 1600, where I proceeded to be sociable for a while, which was good.

I'm completely not talking about my mental stuff. How weird. )

And then, at the time when I had a lecture, there was a lecture! Nuclear Physics I, which, from how the 1st lecture was, seems to be really interesting. I might see if I can get a summer project in the Nuclear group - I'll want to do my BSC in Condensed Matter Theory if possible, and I want to get some breadth of projects - I've done one QM modelling in CMT so far, and the BSC project I started but dropped out of was with Irena on Quantum Transport.

I think summer projects are what I have instead of part-time job experience. XD Though, I also have my work experience pre-uni. Need to be all up-to-date and stuff, especially with being a madwoman, else I'll never get employed. And employment is required for disposable income for spending on things like gluten-free bread. (I had a couple of loaves at Steve's house, and I so so miss being able to just MAKE TOAST.)

And then there was the evening, which contained COLD WINTER AIR and a shower so that I have clean hair again, yay, and nomming the curry with some rice and being REALLY FULL from curry, which I made myself did I say, and then internets for like an hour and some until it is Now.

I think sleep should occur soon. Today has been a day full of Doing Things, and tomorrow will also be a Day, that one also being a Day containing LARP, and so more sleep than last night shall be required. Or not-sleep, I guess. Not-sleep tends to work well enough, because it's a bit like sleep.
Well, busy day today - first I got woken up early to go with my sister to Langport so she can run (dad won the 10K), and then we went to Pizza hut. I ate too much, but our waitress was cute ^_^;;

Also, I'm not going back to TvTome until there's a season 3 download. I think Jadebell must be rubbing off on me because I freaked out when I saw the spoiler in the 'Character Discussion: Clay Bailey' thread.


Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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