Tamar Joshua Rowe

You know something I really love about Alex?

Whenever I'm in a whirl of 'wah, I have to make a decision about something?!' (which involves panicking, wahhing, and appealing to anything that might look like an authority - if you squint - to make the descision for me) he smiles, listens to me wah about my options, and then shrugs and says something along the lines of 'It's your decision' or 'you're the only one who can decide'.

It's wonderfully freeing.


(Occassionally he'll point out logical inconsistancies and circular arguments when I'm being actually crazy in my wahhing, and I'm glad of that, too.)

I am so, so grateful that the dramaplosion have not demolished anything that can't be repaired. That would be very bad, and entirely made of Do Not Want.

I can stop shaking now? No, I can't, because I also have to email Physics and say that I'm still alive, but work didn't happen and I seem to have an exaggerated sense of consequences at the same time as another part of my brain tries to convince the first part that all concequences are imaginary and that there is only the Now. As you can imagine, those two bits have been fighting a lot recently. Paralysis... >_<

I have tea, but am un-calm. I may need soup, and hugs, and dessert later. Because I am currently* a person that's all about physical feelings, which gets me out of trouble as well as into it. I'm currently getting whalloped with the 'into it' side, and I hope that the lessons I'm learning stick this time.

At least this whole thing has made Alex feel a lot more secure with the open relationship thing? Me being affectionate with other people doesn't reduce how affectionate I am with him, and he knows that for sure now, so he's happy.





*I used to be entirely about staring at walls and rippling water daydreaming and not at all about anything physical, and then I came to Uni and discovered hugs and casual snogging.

It's a bit of a turning point in a relationship when you realise that you're relying on that one person for hugs (if not tea - I make my own tea these days). There was no James in the seminar thing today, and there was a crane outside making NOISE! all the way through, and I was trying to concentrate, and there was a guy in the row behind me playing with coins or keys or something, and my brain needed calming down like for serious afterwards, so I went to the cafe-thing in biology (because it's the only place that reliably goes actually cooked jacket potatoes) and sent Alex a text message saying that I was going there and would like a hug. He turned up while I was in the queue, so I did get hugs, and then we sat outside with his arm around me while I ate my food, even when it started to rain. :)

Gah, it's been, what, a month? I feel like such a foolish human.

Not really managing with life very much today. I ate two breakfasts at Kirk and got to my lectures, though I had a bit of a funny turn near the end of the second one and didn't take any more notes, and dragged myself home and into the shower ready for tonight. I've also managed to cook some pasta and nom it with pepperoni and cheddar. Basically anything else I do today, I shall be dragging myself.

This cold is kicking my arse, basically. Om nom strepsils. At larp tonight (presuming, of course, that I don't just fall asleep and miss it) I shall most likely be a bit of a mouse.

I'm generally happy, though. I got a text from Steve this morning saying that he won't be able to borrow his parents' car on Saturday to bring my stuff down, so I shan't have to deal with him for a while, I proved myself to be intelligent even with a head full of cotton wool today in a problem class, and also I've been having a very nice time with Alex recently. I would use a silly little :) smiley there, but it wouldn't really capture properly what a huge grin I've been wearing because of it all. Hee!

ETA: Another happy thing!

My parents sent up a parcel of Things when they got back from holiday on presumably-Monday, and it contained Christmas prezzies from a set of grandparents and also my godmother. The parcel itself got eaten by the courier, but things! Two new bracelets (one of which is tangle of beads!), warm socks, and many chocolate. Also, a bank statement, so it doesn't matter that I forgot to pick one up when I was in town on Saturday. Also the CP booklet thing, which contains pictures of many Jhereg, including one which is basically a picture of Mike. I get the feeling that in a few of them, I would have been just out of the way of the camera - particularly the 'Rise, my minions, rise!' necromancy picture, in which I was an undead on the ground watching them take the pictures before the players got to us. XD