People who are wired to prefer monogamy can be in polyamorous relationships, and people who are wired to prefer polyamory can be in (incidental or contractual)* monogamous relationships. It just requires more work and negotiation than for monogamous people in monogamous relationships or poly people in open relationships.

* Incidental monogamy: the open/closedness of the relationship can take any value, but neither partner happens to have any other partners (at the moment). Contractual monogamy: Both partners have agreed to be monogamous, regardless of their personal inclinations.


This came up after I drank nearly an entire bottle of ginger wine by myself on Saturday night (now I think I know what a hangover is - eight units plus twelve hours, apparently), as there was some confusion over the fact that kisses were on offer when Alex was right there. (I can kiss him whenever I like, and I'm curious to experience other people's kisses in a relaxed social situation.)


*

There was awesome larp earlier! It's too bad that I'm probably going to be late on Wednesday, because I'm looking forward to it. Bloody exams! Hmm, I'm not sure whether I should be referencing Drow or Gurran Laggan now...
I mean, I don't remember if I've larped in bloke-mode before (I think there were a few times as Morranna on Sundays - I remember declaring at froth 'I play a woman at the weekends! Her name is Morranna.'), but given that my first characters wore trousers and my most recent being in bloke-mode was during the Easter holidays, I'm fairly sure this is the first firmly-in-bloke-mode and knows-about-it time. But yesterday I'd been binding all day and didn't really want to be wearing a dress. Also my sash looked a bit weird falling across a flat chest.


...But it probably helps that Nadezda is quite butch anyway.



*

Entirely unrelated, argh! at my landlords for telling one tenant about an inspection happening tomorrow night, and for that housemate saying to the landlord that someone had decided not to take her room next year because 'the house was too messy'.

I get that the extenuating circumstances of 'someone just moved out and left a load of stuff behind' and 'the person who owns the most stuff stored in comunnal areas has been rediculously ill' are things that the landlord doesn't care about, and isn't obligated to care about.

But 'the dining room still contains the things that the builders left behind', 'none of us are strong enough to shift the fridge-freezer back against the wall (that the plumber shifted it out from)' and 'the water is currently shut off and we have to work around that' are things that we can't do much about. And either way, they're supposed to notify each of us when they want to inspect, not just tell one housemate or, as they have before, just turn up.

Edited to add: A more likely reason? My housemate is advertising the room as £55 per week inclusive of all bills including internet, and also for 'occupation: any', when this is not the case at all. Bills aren't included and it's students only. I guess it would be if you expect me/Hannah-who-has-left to keep paying all the bills... O_o

...

May. 11th, 2011 04:03 pm
Apparently (by the fact that they ask 'have you ever...') GUM clinics still assume that sex with bisexual guys = OMG superrisky. I am disappointed with them.

OTOH, yearly checkups for this sort of thing are not as painful and awkward as people would have you believe.

Squee!

Apr. 14th, 2011 09:37 pm
Somebody cool agreed with me on the internet!
I like this brief essay/description of the intersection of feminism, LBG identity, and trans* identity: http://queeritself.wordpress.com/2010/03/27/toward-abroader-support-of-trans-rights/

It is very simplistic, but it makes the main points about this intersection, I think. I'd add that modern feminism also argues for men being 'allowed' to perform tasks and identities that society reserves for people it thinks are female, and be treated equally while doing so - because 'feminine' things aren't inherently worse than 'masculine' things, even if society thinks that they are.

Also, not all feminists, LBG people and trans people are trying to be countercultural - it's why 'queer' doesn't always work as an umbrella term, because not all LBGTA people are queer in their identites. I mean, I behave in a countercultural manner, but that's because at the point when teenager!me worked out some of the non-normal parts of my self I decided to enjoy it rather than hide it, because there was so much going against me already. Not everyone makes that descision - a lot of people go the opposite way, and say that since they're a 'normal' person, the 'queer' aspect of themselves is also normal. Or half-way: that they're 'normal' except for That One Thing.

This intersection is why I tend to identify most of my politics as 'feminist' despite the fact that, going by the simplistic definitions, one wouldn't describe them as 'advocating the cause for women'. It's all connected, and I wouldn't know where to draw the lines between them, and wouldn't really want to.

(What's that? You want me to get my counterculturalism out of your counterculturalism? Oh, shoo.)
...but I like this post: The Right To Fuck Up; there's some good discussion going on in the comments, too. (At least at the moment - you all know what the internet is like).

I especially liked the comment with this:

"What if our politics didn’t come out as “I should be anti-racist because that’s the right thing to do” or “I should be anti-racist because I’m an anti-racist activist”; but instead “I should be anti-racist because I love you and when I’m racist it hurts you”? Would that make things any different?"

It made things click a bit, for me. They used 'racist' in the example, but it works for 'sexist'*, 'homophobic', 'disableist', 'transphobic' and others - even things which don't really have 'official' names in social justice discourse. When you get past all the theory and definitions and logic puzzles, we really just want the world to suck less, am I right? We want for society to look after everyone, not just straight Christian cis-men with money. We want for there to be less pointless chafe that makes the lives of the oppressed harder with no real gain.

I mean, some enforcement of the kyriarchy is done by cruel people who just want to feel superior to someone. The majority of the time, though, it's 'that's how things work, right?' and 'I can't be arsed to consider that other people have a different view of the world - or even themselves - than I do, and I can't be wrong', and 'But I don't want to be the oppressed one!'

Laziness, fear, and a lack of compassion. Is there any reason why the world can't be different?




*(actually, this is a rare example which works for both misogyny and misandry, because the power of the situation is, while relevent to the magnitude of the harm, not so relevent to the harm itself)
Actually having quite a stock of bloke-clothes from over the years - the shirt which I wore as much as possible for that phase in sixth form, socks, t-shirts that don't go 'here thar be boobs!' and the trousers I wear for larp which came from the Matalan men's section. Also, trainers. Haven't worn trainers in a while.

Stew! I am cooking stew. If any Yorkites want to appear at my house and be fed stew, feel free, because I am cooking stew. Possibly let me know that you mean to do so, first, however. The lid went on at two o'clock, so it'll be ready at about six and properly done at about eight.

Having purchased things, and be planning to purchase more things! New things are good. Waiting for things to arrive in the post is happy-making. Yay, internets!

I have my blanket back, though it is not cleaned yet. Any tips on cleaning sick off of/out of alpaca wool? It's a very... fibrous blanket. I really don't want to wreck it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1-OlJlfUJQ

This is an awesome and fun song and vid and if you like it too I want you to cheer in comments!!!

(Or be a lurker and say so in email/PM, whatever)
Everyone likes boys.*

Hee.

*The character making this assertion is a manwhore who, so far, has tried to seduce all but one of the males in the cast.
"You can't help but think that the countries with the superfluous 'u's are the ones with the good sense"

You don't need to credit if you want it, just nick it and tell anyone else the same. Inspired by something on the biwriters mailing list that just really got on my tits.


Moving on, my dad is awesome. Today in the car, talking about the barbie on friday and how Milly isn't going because she's going out with her Johnny, and my dad said:
"Boyfriends, and girlfriends come and go, but friends are there forever, and you remember that."

He's so awesome. ^_^

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Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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