The house is tidier, but my landlords still won't be happy. It really doesn't help that the water won't be put back on until seven o'clock, maybe, and so actually cleaning things is going to be difficult. Also, I wish I could say that the hoover sucks, but it doesn't even do that. And Hannah filled up the black bin outside with her stuff from moving out and then dumped appliances and such all over the house (we're still finding things), so I'm waiting until Monday morning when that's been taken away to put out the bag from the hoover and the takeaway bag, because else there won't be space.

Argh.

And someone spilled milk on the floor beside the washing machine mere days after I'd washed it, and didn't clean up after themselves.

Worst part: I don't know whether my identifying the problems between me and a clean, tidy house is practicality or laziness. I know I've been in one of those states of mind for a good few weeks now where everything looks like evidence that I'm a terrible person, and I have backup from my neighbours that my landord sucks, and the legal guidelines are on my side, but I still angst and worry and fast because I don't feel that I'm good enough to take up space.

What I've done will have to be enough - and hope that they disregard the washing up to be done, because now I need to get myself to eat at least one meal today. So far it's been a cup of tea at Alex's (blech, Tetleys), a handful of goji berries, and a couple of gf biscuits. I feel okay blood-sugar-wise (except for the angst and shaking), and I've been productive, but I know that this way lies a non-functional brain. You know, kinda like the one I already have.

Did you know I have exams next week? I'm not sure there's any point in me sitting them, I'm so unprepared and mindless. ...I should probably tell Physics.
So. I'm anaemic, menstruating, starting to get ill with the thing that had Alex laid up for nearly a week (it's worth it for all the happy smiles I recieved when visiting him, though), but I don't feel bad. I've just failed a module, but I'm fairly confident they'll let me resit when my brain is in working order. Both of my plans for seeing people and recieving hugs failed yesterday, but now that the lurgy has asserted itself I can see that that was possibly a good thing, because I don't want to pass it on.

This content attitude might have something to do with the large pot of tea steaming downstairs. Hot + sugar -> sore throat feeling about half as swollen as it has been all night and morning (seriously, I shone a torch down my throat, yuck).

In fact, the only 'oh, dear...' things I'm actually bothered about at the moment are the horde of little flies that have taken up residence in our kitchen due to my housemate letting another bag of potatoes rot at the back of our shared cupboard (there's a reason I keep mine at the front where I can keep and eye on then, and only dry things like rice and pasta and flour at the back), the fact that I probably shouldn't go out boozing tonight (I could get a return on the 10(P) and not stay too long, just have non-alcoholic cocktails, and remember not to snog anyone?) even if I do feel up to it by then, and the fact that my doctor wrote a perscription for something that costs £2.50 over-the-counter. The last one is just an annoyance, the middle is a dissapointment, and for the first one I've built a barricade of rice, dried chickpeas and cake mix to prevent the little flies from crossing over into my side of the cupboard until hers has been properly cleaned out - at least since one of them found its way into an ill-sealed bag of brown rice and needed help escaping.
I have discovered a way of thinking that makes doing things to the house a lot more doable - seperating the concepts of 'cleaning', 'tidying' and 'clearing'.

Catagorisation! )


Today I have cleaned the kitchen floor, cleared the living room floor (I had ambitions of cleaning that too, but tea), made tea, and cluttered up the dining room with furniture from the kitchen. Also decided that if I win the lottery today, I'm going to buy that little house in Heslington that I've had my eye on a bit for months now.

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Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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