Slipping away

[tj_rowe]

I don't know if it's a blood-sugar thing - I did eat breakfast - but I'm having trouble summoning enthusiasm for anything right now. I'm writing this because I'm in bed and the computer is on for me to send the downtime that I wrote most of last night.

There are exams this week, but I've spent pretty much no time this term thinking about physics. I've had short bursts of creativity, but nothing long-lasting, and I'm too lazy and sick to work at any of it for any length. There's a larp event this weekend, and even wrt that I'm not really enthused.

I'm not even really writing this, am I? I'm typing some words every so often, then going away to stare at bits of the internet, then staring at the ceiling, all with no thoughts in my head. And then I come back and type some more words, maybe. It's raining outside, and I have the window open because it's fairly pleasant. I haven't set a load of washing going yet like I usually do every Monday morning, and this is slightly distressing when I think about it. I'm currently lying on one of the things I want to wash, and I think of the work involved with putting a clean sheet on the bed and just lie down again.

I don't know why y'all put up with me. I'm fine in company - I can be happy and creative and think thoughts when there are people around expecting it of me, but when I'm alone it's like I've been turned off and the autopilot is not configured properly. I don't want to slip away, but it's what seems to be happening. I haven't even been taking my medicine properly, because taking things on-an-empty-stomach conflicts with eating enough and sleeping too much. I haven't been eating enough or sleeping unbrokenly, either.

And, huh, there was another twenty minutes of ceiling staring.