Jul. 31st, 2006

ZOMFG Roads kinda! )

My first real driving lesson is on Friday, with a Mr. Young. He's our next-door neighbor-bar-one.
It wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't Chack. I mean, if I wrote dreadful RaiClay smut then no-one is going read it, let alone snort and 'Oi, that tamerterra. Writes smut like a 12 year old fanbrat' or whatever. No-one would care. But Chack...

Not only do many of the writers I like and respect (and I would like to feel the same about me) write Chack, but Chack : Xiaolin Showdown is like Harry Potter : The rest of fandom. If someone reads any amount of fanfic, they've probably seen some HP fic. Likewise, if a person reads XS fic post season two, there's a good chance that they've seen some Chack.

This visibility is not- It's- Instead of just putting down how I want the scene to go, to the best of my ability (which might not be much - I haven't written smut since NaNoWriMo), I'm worrying and worrying, and compulsively editing the last two paragraphs, trying to make them 'good enough'. It's one of the reasons that I call on complete strangers on the Yahoo mailing lists if I ever need a beta, rather than asking my friends - the whole point is to make my terrible writing fit for their eyes.

GAAAH! Not even a playlist consisting mostly of Rammstein and Keane is helping! But Keane always helps when I'm stressed!

I suppose it doesn't help that I'm trying to do a lot of things at once. Some people respond well to pressure like that, and I used to think that I did, too. But I guess it only works for me when it's only ONE thing: at the moment there's this continual thought that I should be doing something else - if I'm writing, I should be learning Maths; if I'm learning Maths, I should be learning the Highway Code; if I'm learning the Highway Code, I could be doing something fun.

Heck, even while I'm writing this, the voice in my head is telling me that I should be watching Mermaid Melody or some other shoujo to put it all out of my head. *groan*

NaNoWriMo was great. Maybe if I made text="FFFFFF" again and kept typing into Wordpad instead of OpenOffice, it would be okay.

*sigh* I wish I was back at school.
I can write smut after all.

... As long as there aren't any blokes involved, that is. XD

*uses femmeslash icon*

(link)

Really, though, if writing is making me this upset, I need to be re-examining my reasons for writing in the first place.
I've decided to post little bits of writing in my LJ as they happen. Then I can see how I improve.

Title: Punishment
Author: TamerTerra
Status: WiP
Warnings: Sex between two girls, ages 14 ans 16. Non-con.
Summary: Constance has been naughty, and so a prefect askes her to come to her room after hours...

The older girl held her long feather quill lovingly as I entered the room... )

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Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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