tj_rowe | (no subject)

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I really, really hate when my housemates make rape jokes. Like, really hate it. I called her out ('Please stop reinforcing rape culture at me'), got called crazy and informed by the one who made the 'joke' that she 'cares about feminism' (though apparently not about a person's right to bodily autonomy) before she flounced off.

Does anyone else find stuff like this massively triggering?

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Hell yes. And it makes me want to punch people very hard in the face.

I dunno, sometimes I can do rape jokes, it depends on the circumstances. Pyramid Head rape jokes? Totally, I'll do that all day. Silly macros that say "You gonna get raped" or something like that? Sure. But when people start going on about how much it ruins someone's life to be accused of rape and how women lie about being raped all the time just because they didn't want to have sex with some guy that I start seeing red. There was a Whitest Kids U Know sketch like this, and it made me so angry. "Hahahaha, if you didn't like the guy you had sex with, it's totally rape!" Because, you know, it's not like most rapes go unreported because women hear shit like this and think that everyone is going to assume that they're lying. There's nothing, NOTHING worse than hearing that you wanted it.

It's the sort of joke that should only be made when you know everyone you're talking to is on exactly the same page. And some jokes I'm totally fine with if my boyfriend or best friend says it, but if it's someone I don't know well? Yeah, offensive.

Pretty much whoever says it, I cringe. It's like all my expectations of personal safety while around the person just vanish - it's been known to trigger/nearly trigger panic attacks.

I don't know... I guess I go from the 'would this person look out for me if something bad was about to happen, or would she get distracted by a joke?' rather than 'duh, this person won't assault me, what they say can't be a threat.'

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In addition, you know how much that depression thing upset me, given that I was depressed at the time. It's the main reason that I will never willingly speak to the landlady again.

It also seems to be a criticism of every argument we've ever had, rather than the post. We don't talk to each other any more. The post was an anecdote, followed by 'does anyone else find rape jokes triggering?' (I'm not the only one, right?)

That’s fair enough, but I feel your version of events was more targeted at how ‘terrible’ my behaviour was, rather than a general post about rape jokes.

I realise the land-lady’s depression comment upset you, and I’m very sorry to hear you were depressed at the time. However, just because you were depressed doesn’t mean I wasn’t. The land-lady had a point - I’ve not been very happy in this house at all. Why do you think I go out so much? Even if I wanted to be at home more, often the only place to go to is my room because there’s no space in the living-room. It’s no great environment to be social in: perhaps part of the reason we don’t talk much anymore. Sorry to criticise every argument we’ve ever had, as you put it. It’s not even the mess that bothers me most. If you weren’t nearly as hostile about your own mess, or acknowledged the cleaning up after you that goes on, I’d be happier. There was an occasion a while back when you complained about a heap of your own things which was all over the sofa because you couldn’t find something and I suggested you took 5 minutes to clear it up and you completely yelled at me. I realise it’s not completely diplomatic to vent all this over LiveJournal, but I miss having you as the friends we were last year. I have sympathy with you that you haven’t been that happy, but neither have I.

I love you, and if there’s anything I can do to make you happier, please just ask.

Helen

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