I just played Bingo at my pub, because I was there and drunk and there at the point of drunk where my revision was making me go 'huh?'. There were two rounds, and on each round I was waiting for one number before I could win at the point when someone else else won.

On the first round, it was 32. On the second, it was 23. (On the second I could also have won with 84, but that's less of a story.)

Also, when I was on my way home, a black-and-white cat who felt ill-cared-for walked up and started mawing at me, and then went to lie down in the road.

What might the cosmos be trying to tell me?
People who are wired to prefer monogamy can be in polyamorous relationships, and people who are wired to prefer polyamory can be in (incidental or contractual)* monogamous relationships. It just requires more work and negotiation than for monogamous people in monogamous relationships or poly people in open relationships.

* Incidental monogamy: the open/closedness of the relationship can take any value, but neither partner happens to have any other partners (at the moment). Contractual monogamy: Both partners have agreed to be monogamous, regardless of their personal inclinations.

This came up after I drank nearly an entire bottle of ginger wine by myself on Saturday night (now I think I know what a hangover is - eight units plus twelve hours, apparently), as there was some confusion over the fact that kisses were on offer when Alex was right there. (I can kiss him whenever I like, and I'm curious to experience other people's kisses in a relaxed social situation.)


There was awesome larp earlier! It's too bad that I'm probably going to be late on Wednesday, because I'm looking forward to it. Bloody exams! Hmm, I'm not sure whether I should be referencing Drow or Gurran Laggan now...
There was boozing! I drank too fast too soon and got wobbly legs, and there was drama, but aside from that it was a good night.

And the drama resulted in words being said that reaffirmed to me that trying to be a decent person IS worth it, even if it's difficult to do sometimes, and that I shouldn't give in and let myself become mean and terrible. It wouldn't make anyone happy, let alone myself. Reacting to a fuck-up with 'That was a fuck-up, I shall apologise if appropriate and try to do better (or fail less hard) next time' takes more brainpower and resolve than 'meh' or attempts to absolve oneself of blame or responsibility, but it is worth it.

Everything happens for a reason? It only appears that way in hindsight, of course, because the future always rests on the past, that's just how time works rather than some metaphysical purpose.

But yeah, the hugs and pep-talk following the drama were very very much appreciated, especially given that they came from a perviously untapped source (I've been here four years nearly and am still getting to know people... it's kinda awesome). It meant that the rest of the night could still be enjoyable - a crazy person with noise sensitivities in certain circumstances having fun in (well, just outside of, it really was very loud) a room of noise and humans? Impossible! Next you'll be suggesting that crazy people have thoughts and opinions that are valid just like everyone else and everyone knows that that's just insane.


Also positively, slightly drunken religious discussion made me happy because the assumption of universal (or at least accessible-from-anywhere-in-the-world) deities is bloody everywhere, and it was nice to mention local deities who don't move half-way across the country with you (because they live where they live, yeah?) and not be scoffed at.

So yeah, in general last night was fun, though I lost track of Alex at some point and when I got home my brain was buzzing so I didn't get to sleep for bloody ages.


Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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