May. 27th, 2011

The house is tidier, but my landlords still won't be happy. It really doesn't help that the water won't be put back on until seven o'clock, maybe, and so actually cleaning things is going to be difficult. Also, I wish I could say that the hoover sucks, but it doesn't even do that. And Hannah filled up the black bin outside with her stuff from moving out and then dumped appliances and such all over the house (we're still finding things), so I'm waiting until Monday morning when that's been taken away to put out the bag from the hoover and the takeaway bag, because else there won't be space.

Argh.

And someone spilled milk on the floor beside the washing machine mere days after I'd washed it, and didn't clean up after themselves.

Worst part: I don't know whether my identifying the problems between me and a clean, tidy house is practicality or laziness. I know I've been in one of those states of mind for a good few weeks now where everything looks like evidence that I'm a terrible person, and I have backup from my neighbours that my landord sucks, and the legal guidelines are on my side, but I still angst and worry and fast because I don't feel that I'm good enough to take up space.

What I've done will have to be enough - and hope that they disregard the washing up to be done, because now I need to get myself to eat at least one meal today. So far it's been a cup of tea at Alex's (blech, Tetleys), a handful of goji berries, and a couple of gf biscuits. I feel okay blood-sugar-wise (except for the angst and shaking), and I've been productive, but I know that this way lies a non-functional brain. You know, kinda like the one I already have.

Did you know I have exams next week? I'm not sure there's any point in me sitting them, I'm so unprepared and mindless. ...I should probably tell Physics.

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Tamar Joshua Rowe

August 2011

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